Are You There God? It's Me, Marc

I'm going to hell! (have your attention yet?) Yes, it's true, or according to a friend of a friend (I suppose I'll call her that) I am. She told me that because I don't fully believe in Jesus Christ as the lord my savior, I'm going to hell. Which got me to think a lot more than I wanted her to cause me to. See, my belief in God is very loose, it's an acceptance that something made this universe and a hope that someone or someones are up there watching, protecting over us. But I can't seem to blindly believe in something that I have such little faith in. I believe in love, and kindness, and a goodness at the heart of all people. But when it comes to God, there are so many different forms or him/it that I'm not sure that my region and upbringing should cause me to choose one side or another. I have a very moral lifestyle, and a constelation of values that make up who I am. And I firmly believe that God, if he does exist, would be very proud of the life I live. I'm good to others, I always try to help, am rarely selfish. But this is not because of an inate fear or belief in something, it's because I believe that making others happy is the point to life. I believe that helping others and bringing goodwill is the key to happiness, within myself and as a society. But still I carry this feeling of guilt for not believing in a higher being. It's perhaps a product of 8 years of bible school and church. Every weekend filled with Roman Catholic teachings. The classes instilling that Jesus was our savoir and we she respect and love him as such. But I just don't. There's just too much ignored logic to believe. The hypocrasy of men who teach of love and forgiveness, saying that being gay is a sin. Or the amount of judging that religion in general takes part in. "Do not judge less ye be judged" or "Whoever is without sin cast the first stone", two phrases widely ignored in religion. I just can't believe in something that doesn't seem to have reasoning behind it. Why did six million jews die? Why did God let millions of people kill and be killed all in his name? I hear people say God has a plan...but why would he make a plan that involves so much pain and death? If that's his plan, I want no part of it.